Bacon Butties

I just have to say, that Bath University is home to the best bacon butties in the world. I would post this information on the TSR Wiki, however I am banned from the site. More on that later.

I was there on business (wow, it sounds great to say that!) last week. Anyway, the café known as Dol•c^He Vita (why do café franchises have such pretentious names?) serves a beautiful bit of grilled bacon in a fresh-from-the-oven French loaf that only costs 90p! I have a feeling I'll be eating a lot of these when I get there in September!

Having done a brief bit of research on the topic, it seems some underworked and overfed postgrads at Leeds have done a "serious study" into what makes a perfect bacon butty.

Apparently, the most important variable is the crunchiness of the bacon, and they have developed an equation to evaluate it:

N = C + {f_b(c_m) · f_b(t_c)} + f_b(T_s) + f_c · t_a

Where:

N=force in Newtons required to break the cooked bacon

C=Newtons required to break uncooked bacon

f_b=function of the bacon type

c_m=cooking method

t_c=cooking time

T_s=serving temperature

f_c=function of the condiment/filling effect

t_a=time or duration of application of condiment/filling

Now this looks very dubious to me. There are so many significant variables not considered - for example, the quality of the bread is completely ignored!

Obviously, tensile strength is not a measure of crispness, so the equation is bogus from the start. A bit of deeper searching, and I find out that our own Bath University has produced a study into the perception of crispness, and found it statistically analogous to hardness.

Clearly, the study is incomplete and a great deal of further research is required. I would like to take this opportunity to volunteer myself as a human guinea pig for any further live trials that may need to be conducted. I believe we must all make certain sacrifices for the benefit of society, and this shall be my contribution.